So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
