I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
