lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
