Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
