I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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