Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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