i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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