I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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