Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
