Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
