you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
