There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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