so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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