Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
