if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize