Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
