i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
