My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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