i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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