so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
