What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
