Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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