No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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