just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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