Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
