Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
