i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
