i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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