Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
