My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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