You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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