I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
