I hate all girls vehemently.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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