I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I don't think brook has ever known best
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Floor bacon is actually really good
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
