The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
