this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize