i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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