sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
