stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
