Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
