You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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