i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
