he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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