Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
