i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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