I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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