So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
