At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
