How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
