She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
