escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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