so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize