So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
