I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
