Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
