It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize