Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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