I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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