Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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