that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
