Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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