He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
