I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
