Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
