I must be too annoying 4 u.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
