i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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