I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
