I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
