He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We were destined to go to rehab together
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
