fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
