Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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