This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
