how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
