it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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