Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
