dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize