Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
